A FEW MO' THINGS, 12/21/12
Admitting it is half the battle.
There's a lot of reasons why I want the Bengals to win on Sunday. There's the obvious: it would put them in the playoffs. Since that unfortunate day in 1985 that I decided than to appease my dad by rooting for the same NFL entry he did, the Bengals have made the playoffs a grand total of five times. They've played in a whopping eight postseason games.
That's like a five year stretch for the Steelers.
Regardless of their fortunes once they get there, IF they get there, the point is that I don't get to watch my team play in the playoffs all that often. I get to see them win playoff games even less often.
And I won't get to see them win a playoff game if they're not playing in one.
There's what beating the Steelers is, which when it happens, is awesome. And there's what beating the Steelers this time would symbolize. Not that the guard will have completely changed in the AFC North if the good guys win on Sunday, but if this franchise will ever get to where we want it to go, regularly winning games against the division's standard-setters will be mandatory.
There's clinching a playoff bid, and then there's clinching a playoff bid and eliminating the Steelers on their home field. A win on Sunday, regardless of how the Bengals went about getting it, would immediately make the list of best five Bengals win of my lifetime.
That list by the way...
5) Bengals 38 Steelers 31, 12/4/05
4) Bengals 27 Steelers 20, 9/27/09
3) Bengals 41 Oilers 14, 1/6/91
2) Bengals 21 Bills 10, 12/8/89
1) Bengals 20 Redskins 17, 12/17/88
There's professional reasons too. The better the Bengals do, the more interest there is in them, the more people listen to our show, and the more people participate in it. There have been direct correlations between our best ratings periods and when the Bengals are in contention.
The longer this team is playing, the easier my job is. The earlier this team is finished, the more I spend time talking about college basketball to myself.
(No fight to talk about = minimal levels of participating from the audience the day after the UC/XU game. There isn't a soul on the planet who loves college basketball as much as I do, but it's increasingly difficult to work into a talk show on a regular basis when there's no response from the audience. Remember this when I'm doing mock NFL drafts in late February while staving off the temptation to leap from the top of our building.)
There's the narrative. These last six weeks, it's been about the direction this franchise is going in. And that's largely been the case for nearly two years. A loss on Sunday wouldn't undo it, but you know what Sunday's postgame show will sound like and you know who will be coming out of the woodwork to recite the same trite mantras recycled from 2010, 2008, 2007, etc.
The more the Bengals win, the more we talk about the team. The more the Bengals lose, the more we talk about the guy who owns it. I'm hardly a huge fan of the guy who owns it, but I do enjoy talking about his team.
But more than anything, I just don't want the Bengals to ruin another Christmas.
It's not to say that all of my Bengals-related Christmas memories are bad. Last year's home win over the Cardinals took place on Christmas Eve, and was followed by watching the waning moments of another Jets' loss on Paul Brown Stadium's vintage TVs. That was a good time. There were Doug Pelfrey game-winners on Christmas Eves in 1994 and 1995 that ended otherwise lousy seasons during a time in my life when I was still to stupid to discern when turds were being doused in whipped cream. I remember a throttling of the Oilers that kept the eventual AFC Central champs in the race right before Christmas in 1990 and the aforementioned win over the Redskins in 1988 went down while I watched from a department store my mother was Christmas shopping in.
But the Bengals have ruined Christmas plenty of times as well.
The wound from Christmas Eve 2006 is still open. Brad St. Louis ruined Christmas that way, with help from Chuck Bresnahan's soft defense, and family members foreshadowing disaster by laughingly assert that the Bengals would miss the extra point after pulling within one point of Denver. Invite an atheist to Christmas Eve mass. He'd be more fun than I was at Christmas dinner that year.
There was Christmas Eve 2005, when Kelly Holcomb threw for like 837 yards against a hungover Bengals defense, costing the Bengals any chance at a first round bye.
There was Christmas night 1989, Monday Night Football. AFC football in 1989 was like Big East football 2010-2012, forgivingly mediocre enough for the Bengals to earn a playoff spot by winning that night. I vividly remember not giving two craps about what gifts I got that morning, or whatever the hell our family was doing during the day. All that mattered was the game later that evening in Minnesota and the Bengals winning.
Instead, they lost. Boomer was sacked six times, the Bengals committed 921 penalties, and the defending conference champs missed the postseason.
Wanna screw up a 12 year-old's Christmas? Piss down your legs on Monday Night Football with the playoffs on the line.
And so we have the final Bengals game before Christmas. I've purchased Bengals gear for friends and family. I'm guessing I'll get some in return. If the Bengals lose on Sunday, each one of those gifts will be met with a sigh of resignation instead of a hopeful exclamation of how those threads will look as the Bengals storm toward the playoffs.
If the Bengals ruin Christmas again, I might have to spend Monday morning doing some shopping.
I don't want to spend Monday morning doing some shopping.
In short, I think the Bengals can run it better, I think the Bengals can get to Ben often, and I think they can have success against their secondary. And I think the Bengals are the better team.
But I hate that I feel good about this.
Bengals 20 Steelers 17.
There's other games too. Their significance sorta pales in comparison. Calvin Johnson inches toward Jerry Rice The Falcons wraps up home field in the NFC. Atlanta (-3.5) wins at Detroit....This feels like the kind of game the Cowboys always lose. I like them enough though to pick them to win, but New Orleans (+3.5) makes it uncomfortable for Dallas....The Packers are clicking. The Titans are doing whatever it is the Titans do. It was nice that the Jets let them win on Monday. They won't Sunday. Green Bay (-12.5) hammers Tennessee....Wouldn't a Bengals/Colts playoff game be fun? Indy (-6.5) gets there by beating KC....Even though Joe Philbin looks like Beeker from The Muppets, he should be the NFL's Coach of the Year. Dolphins win. Buffalo (+4.5) covers....Two more games for the Jets. A nation silently expresses its gratitude....San Diego (+2.5) beats New York....You watched the Eagles last week, right? Washington (-4.5) pounds Philly....If not Philbin, then how about Jeff Fisher? St. Louis (+3.5) wins at struggling Tampa Bay....Because the schedule says they have to, Carolina (-8.5) beats Oakland....You do watch the NFL, right? New England (-14.5) feasts on Jacksonville....Earlier this week, Christian Ponder married Samantha Steele. Wonder if Adrian Peterson carried him to the alter. Minnesota (+7.5) pulls off the upset at Houston....Peyton Manning against the Browns is like well, pretty much everyone against the Browns for the past ten years. Denver (-13.5) destroys Cleveland....The Cardinals are simply incapable of winning, so they won't, but they will cover because Chicago will sleepwalk through their game against Arizona (+5.5)....The Giants (-2.5) do their part, helping out the cause beating Baltimore....Game of the week is on Sunday night, a must-watch. And the 49ers will win it. San Francisco (-1.5) drops Seattle.
Enjoy the weekend, Artrell and I have the Christmas Eve edition of #MoHawkMonday at 3:04 Monday on ESPN1530. Merry Christmas from Sir Charles....
