A FEW MO' THINGS, 10/19/12
Ever wanted to see what Joey Votto looked like in cartoon form, with a cartoon version of a generic baseball uniform?  Here you go...

As much as I love Family Guy, and I might love Family Guy more than 65% of my own family members, The Cleveland Show has never really done it for me.  I am however, looking forward to seeing them execute this trick from The Simpsons playbook...

Not long after this year’s World Series, Fox’s The Cleveland Show will round the bases with an episode devoted to America’s pastime. And though Peter Griffin’s old pal won’t actually become a star baseball player during the half-hour, he’ll get close when he realizes his dream of becoming a major league scout. We’ve got your exclusive first look at the November episode, which includes the guest voices of the Los Angeles Dodgers’ Matt Kemp and Andre Ethier, the Boston Red Sox’s David Ortiz, the Philadelphia Phillies’ Jimmy Rollins and the Cincinnati Reds’ Joey Votto.

Somewhere there's jokes about why this would've been better in June.  I can't think of it.  You're up.

-Speaking of Joey, remember his "failure brush" quote?

“I don’t think you can paint this organization with some sort of failure brush,” Votto said. “We can take it, learn from it and improve. Hopefully it makes us tougher, it makes us hungrier and it makes us better. I think it will.”

"Failure Brush" needs to be the name of a band.  Ten years from now, regardless of how stinging last week's NLDS loss was, "Failure Brush" is going to be a fantastic reference, much along the lines of how "Where's Quinones" has turned into one of the best Reds references of the last 22 years.

(Please tell me that someone reading this understands where "Where's Quinones" originated.)

There's a lot of great local bands, and a ton of aspiring musicians looking to form their own group.  If I can get one band to either re-name themselves "Failure Brush or begin their forays into the music business by naming their band "Failure Brush," I will use this blog and my airtime to plug any "gigs, play songs, and help them go viral.

Failure Brush needs to happen.

So does a Bengals win this week.

Bengals v. Steelers

No question in the NFL is more overplayed than "Is this a must-win?"  There's only 16 games and the gap between most teams is heroin addict-thin.  They're all must-wins. Until a team loses.  Then that makes the next game an even bigger must-win.

This is a very big, must-win game on Sunday night.   Winning the division, already improbable, becomes damn bear impossible if they fall to 3-4.  And with Baltimore in Houston on Sunday, this week represents real opportunity to gain ground on the division-leading Ravens. 

They can't lose many home games.  They can't fall to 1-3 in the division.  And at some point, they need to separate themselves a little from the pack.

The same can be said for Pittsburgh.

The good news for teams like the Bengals and Steelers is that the AFC is filled with more mediocrity than an Applebee's menu.  The AFC reminds me of the women when I attended the University of Dayton: A select few stood out for being exceptional (Houston, probably Baltimore.  Maybe.) and a couple stood out for being hideous (Kansas City, Jacksonville. Despite what you'll hear me say in the video below, not Cleveland), and everyone else is very indistinguishable.  If you dated one chick at UD in the mid to late 90s, you dated most of them.  Choosing a homecoming queen was like choosing which Counting Crows song is your favorite.  None of the candidates (?) were special, none were all that awful, all kinda blended in, and you forgot about them within minutes.

That's what the AFC is like.  Is there much of a difference right now between say, the Colts and the Bills?  Or the Chargers and the Patriots?  Not really.  Sure, one team might be better in one area than the other, and one might be building for the future while the other is supposed to be trying to win right now, but for the purposes of figuring out who the best teams are this season, is there really that much of a difference between about a dozen teams in this conference?

No.

Part of it is simply how the NFL works, part of it is the shifting balance of power to the NFC, and part of it is how easy it is to score in the NFL right now.  If every team can score, and most can, then every team can win.

The Bengals don't look like a playoff team right now, but who else does?  Obviously all four divisions will be won by someone, but look in the AFC East, is there anything that suggests that a team that doesn't win the division will get in as a wild card?  Same in the AFC North, South, and West.  More than a third into the season, less than a third of the teams conference looks playoff-worthy.

So at some point teams like the Bengals will need to emerge from the pack.  That will be more and more difficult to do with each loss.  So they must win from that standpoint.

But there's a deeper, more meaningful reason why victory is essential:

This city needs to win something.

It's been eight days since the Reds were eliminated, and you can still feel it.  I've talked with probably 20 friends about last week since the series ended, and nearly all described their feelings the same way.  They spoke of the numbness in the immediate aftermath of game five, then talked about how that gave way to basic sadness, with some talking about how anger started to take over.  The hangover lasted through the weekend, you could feel it watching the Bengals at the Holy Grail last week.  People were watching, wearing their gear, and cheering when things went well, but no one was really into it.

I wrote on the blog before game five...

Will it destroy this team's chances to do even better next season?  I don't think so, but it will make for a long winter, and it will definitely cause damage, perhaps irreparable, to this city's psyche.

That's what's at stake today.  Not a berth in the NLCS, not advancement toward the World Series, this city's psyche is at stake today.  No game that I can remember carried such massive stakes.

Even for those who follow sports passionately without taking it seriously (otherwise known as "normal people"), the loss to the Giants stung and it did damage the collective psyche of Cincinnati sports fans.

You won't find a bigger UC fan, football and basketball, than me. And I'm pumped for what could be special seasons for the Bearcats in both major sports.  And I recognize that this truly be a special year for so many regional college basketball teams, but the successes and failures of the Reds and Bengals set the tone for the mood of sports fans in this city.  Always have, always will.

And right now the mood isn't good.

The Bengals beating the Steelers can change that, just a little.  The Bengals losing to the Steelers, capping off a three-game losing streak heading into a bye, can make it a lot worse.

For more on the game, plus a debate on what kind of animal I should get, the on-screen debut of Rachel the Web Girl, and a prediction for Sunday night, endure this 11-minute long video starring Meat from WEBN and I....

If you didn't sit through it, and I really can't see why you would have, I said Steelers 27 Bengals 20.  I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, want to be wrong.

-Rule number one when you're a crappy team on the verge of implosion: Blame the fans and media!  Way to go, San Diego Chargers.

-I'm 38-51. Just a stellar year picking games....I can't trust the Titans to get stops on the road.  Buffalo (-3.5) beats Tennessee....Relax Browns fans, it was a home game against a slumping Bengals team.  Indy (-3.5) downs Cleveland....The Packers are the Packers again.  Green Bay (-5.5) moves to 4-3, winning at St. Louis....Underrated game of the week: Cardinals v. Vikings.  I like Minnesota with the run game, the defense, and a coach who once gave me a pair of his used Bengals flip-flops.  No, I didn't wear them.  Minnesota (-5.5) wins at home over Arizona....Game of the week we'll make too much of either way: Giants v. Redskins.  RGIII against that secondary makes it close.  New York wins, Washington (+6.5) covers....Jonathan Vilma has entered Lance Armstrong territory. Except that Vilma hasn't helped millions of people living with cancer.  New Orleans (-2.5) pounds Tampa Bay.....Biggest "no idea" game of the year so far: Dallas (-2.5) for reasons I can't begin to explain over Carolina....This is the game where we either buy into Joe Flacco or remain slightly skeptical. I think we'll buy in.  Baltimore wins at Houston (+6.5)....Happy anniversary, Carson.  Oakland (-4.5) routes Jacksonville....Earlier this week, Rex Ryan said that Bill Belichick is a better coach than he is.  This is like me saying that George Clooney is more attractive.  New England large over New York....The Bears, coming off for a bye, could be poised for a run.  Chicago (-5.5) wins at home over Detroit.

-Paul Daugherty writes about the Reds and Josh Hamilton. 

1) What's it cost?

2) And for how long?

3) And where they gettin' that money?

Know what the most intriguing offseason Reds storyline might be?

Ticket prices.

After the last winning season, they went up by an average of $1.80 a ticket.  That was before they decided to pay Votto and Phillips.  Given how nearly everyone on the roster is due a raise, some of them substantial, would you bet on them not passing along to cost to us?  And if you want the Reds to sign Josh Hamilton, and certainly the idea of doing such a thing is tantalizing, are you willing to pay even more?

If you've watched any of the baseball postseason, you've undoubtedly seen this commercial....

Let me get this straight, this guy's girlfriend calls him "boring," and his response is to open a credit card and do a bunch of things by himself?

If a girl calls you boring, and you decide to get a new credit card, at least use it to lure her friends into bed.

Cincinnati v. Toledo

I've been working on UC broadcasts for a long time.  It's given me a chance to see my favorite college football and basketball teams play for league championships and BCS bowl games.  It's given me a chance to see NCAA and conference tournaments.  And I've had a chance to watch games in some incredible venues.

And I've had a chance to travel to some pretty awesome places.

I've seen two UC games in Hawaii. I've been with the Bearcats in Vegas.  I've gone to great American cities like New York, New Orleans, Miami, Chicago, DC, and Philly.  I've seen mountains in Salt Lake City and the Pacific Ocean in San Diego.  I've seen both rural and urban America and I've been to some incredible college towns.

Tomorrow, I get to go to Toledo.

One thing scares me.  That thing is Munchie Legaux.  It's not that Munchie is a bad quarterback and it's not that he hasn't had some big moments in his reasonable young career, it's those stretches where he looks utterly incapable of completing a pass.  We saw it in the second quarter against Fordham.  We saw it in the first half against Miami.  Until I stop seeing it, I'm afraid I'll see it again, against a better opponent, in a more important situation.

He's still developing and more growing pains are inevitable, but I keep wishing against those things catching up to both him and the team at the absolute wrong moment.

Munchie was magical against Virginia Tech.  And he's certainly had his moments in each of UC's five wins, but the magic has often been mixed with mediocrity.

They need magic a week from tonight against Louisville, which could be the biggest Battle For The Keg Of Nails in years.  And they'll need it throughout November if they're going to win a Big East title.  

And they may need it tomorrow.

The Rockets can score....they've  put up nearly 40 a game in their last six games, which were all Rocket wins after the season-opening OT loss at Arizona.  They're balanced and they're at home - hosting the exact kind of game BCS Conference teams do almost anything to avoid.

The good news is a two-parter:

1) Toledo's six wins have come against teams that are a combined 12-25. 

2) They're last two opponents (Central Michigan and Eastern Michigan), scored a combined 82 points against them.

I think UC will win, and I think it will be a rather comfortable victory.  Toledo hasn't seen a defense like the one they'll try to score against tomorrow, and I'd like to think that even an inconsistent Bearcat offense will have success against their D. But even if we accept that Munchie Legaux is still a work in progress, which I do, I think it's fair to wonder if that ultimately will cost these guys in a big game.

Bearcats 38 Rockets 20

Ohio State v. Purdue

OSU's defense isn't good.  Purdue's isn't either.  Actually, nothing about Purdue is good.  At least in football.  I know nothing about the school itself  Buckeyes 35 Boilermakers 17

Kentucky v. Georgia

Maybe there will be another lightning storm.  Bulldogs 126 Wildcats 1

I might not have enjoyed this as much as a blue-bleeding UK fanatic, but I like stuff like this...

While UK fans watch that for the 329,393,991,113,231st time, and while everyone else fires off nasty emails about me linking to it, (I'm dreading informing my UC friends that I'm attending the UK/Duke game in Atlanta) I'm gonna go have a few Friday afternoon beverages.   Enjoy the weekend and join me Monday on ESPN1530 at 3:04. Here's the Dallas Stars Ice Girls killing time during the NHL lockout by going motor-boating.