A FEW MO' THINGS, 9/21/12 EDITION
Today is a big day for dweebs who have little else going on in their lives but the arrival of a new phone. Like these people...
(Blurry photo courtesy of Fox19.com)
Look, to each their own, and I love new toys as much as anyone, but unless my new phone has apps that's going to make me fresh pancakes or make Mila Kunis appear on demand, I'm not standing in line for more than ten minutes for it.
Matter of fact, I'm not standing in line for more than ten minutes for anything.
TV news covered the arrival of the iPhone pretty heavily this morning. My three favorite highights...
1) The guy who when asked why he was in line so early to buy an iPhone replied "Well, ain't gotta job, so why not?"
2) The guy on Fox19 who was holding his new iPhone next to his two "old" iPhones and couldn't seem to differentiate between the three.
3) The woman who talked about how the iPhone helps her keep track of her busy schedule, leaving me to wonder why, if she is so busy, does she have time to wait in line for hours to buy things?
But it's not just a big day for iPhone fanboys.
It's a big day for Reds fanboys too.
The Reds can clinch tonight. There was clinching yesterday, though that was just the mere formality of qualifying for the postseason. Thankfully, the Reds reacted to the win with the appropriate amount of enthusiasm. Busting out the bubbly twice, before October, would've been tacky and would have played right into my clubhouse celebration pet-peeves: Champagne being poured after clinching a wild card spot, or after winning a division series. Rowdy clubhouse celebrations should be reserved for when championships are won. Being a wild card or division series winner makes you a champion of nothing.
Tonight though, if things go right, the Reds will be champions of something.
It may happen tonight, though we'd need the cooperation of the Cubs against Chris Carpenter. I don't root for players to get injured, and I don't root against them in their comebacks from them, and let's face it, loathing Chris Carpenter is much easier when he's actually pitching, but I hope he gets his brains beat in this afternoon, setting the stage for what one coworker of mine keeps calling the "clenching" tonight.
Obviously the Reds need to win for that to happen. And if they do, with tonight's game going down on a Friday, and there now being places near to ballpark where one can actually buy a celebratory beer, I'm guessing all hell is gonna loose after the game.
And if it doesn't tonight, maybe tomorrow, or perhaps Sunday. We're either mere hours or days from the Reds having the division wrapped up. Maybe you'll pour out of the ballpark, into the nearest bar, and into the first drunk person you can make-out with. Perhaps you'll enjoy it with friends at your local watering hole, or in your home. Maybe you'll enjoy a simply toast at home with your spouse. Or you could simply watch it and enjoy it alone, perhaps break off a few texts, and maybe even think about a Reds fan you knew who isn't around anymore.
No matter how you react to the clinching, don't act like you've been there before.
There might not be a phrase I dislike more than "act like you've been there before," at least when it comes to how fans enjoy their team's success. How much fun is acting like you've been there before, especially when really, we haven't?
I'm not saying you should climb up lamp posts when the Reds wrap this up. I'd avoid setting cars on fire and breaking open storefront windows. And use at least some discretion if you do decide to do some celebratory face-sucking with a stranger. Save all that for if and when the Reds do finally win a World Series.
But do enjoy this. Enjoy it because despite 2010's success, division clinchers have still been pretty rare around here. Enjoy it because of all those late-Septembers when you dutifully trudged out to GABP or popped on the tube to watch forgettable teams play pointless games. Enjoy it because you know what clinch-envy feels like as you've watched other teams in other cities count down magic numbers while we clicked off the Reds tragic number.
Enjoy it safely. Enjoy it legally. But still enjoy it.
I know this clinching has been a foregone conclusion for weeks, the drama sucked out of the division race before kids went back to school. And I know many of us have moved on to the bigger issues facing the Reds before the playoffs. I know that despite the success, some have been too wrapped up in crunching batting orders, fretting over injuries, and hoping the manager would get pink-slipped to enjoy a fun team and a fun season.
And I know that a division title isn't enough, that the enjoying newness of merely making the postseason is so two years ago.
So is losing in the first round.
I know we worry, about Chapman's shoulder, Cueto's command, and Cozart's oblique. I know we shudder to think about how this offense might match up against that pitching staff, or how these starters will fare against those hitters.
I know we have questions about what's going to happen across four weeks in October. But those four weeks are still two weeks away.
What might go down and what might go wrong in October, can't and shouldn't ruin tonight, or tomorrow, or whenever and however the clinching happens. Nothing beats a fan's team reaching the sport's pinnacle, but the real fun of being a fan, of following a team day-in and day-out, is both the ride and the little stops along the way. Regardless of how it ends, the 2012 Reds season has been a fun ride, and the division clinching is one of those stops.
Get off and enjoy it.
Maybe the players will be a little more subdued than two years ago, and that might be a good thing. (The Reds did not get swept in the 2010 NLDS because they partied to hard on clinch night. They were swept in the 2010 NLDS because Roy Halladay and Cole Hamels were otherworldly, because good fielders couldn't avoid errors, and because Chase Utley is an a-hole) And maybe nothing will top Bruce off Byrdak and the ending of a long playoff drought. But it's still worth enjoying, still worth celebrating, and still worth acting like anything but acting like you've been there.
-I have NFL and college football games to get to, but first here's an ad for unicorns for cats. 
Bengals v. Redskins
Yes, the Redskin defense has taken a hit...no Adam Carricker, no Brian Orakpo. Yes, RGIII, for all of his accolades and projected future success, is still just a rookie, and rookie QBs inevitably eff up. Yes, the 'Skins have been pretty porous defensively. Yes, Washington's secondary has been prone to the big play. Yes, they've allowed blocked punts in their first two games. Yes, I admit I had to really strain to come up with the names of the guy's RGIII is throwing to that aren't named Santana Moss or Pierre Garcon. Yes, I wish my computer keyboard had a button for that thing that goes on Pierre's last name. And yes, I very much would like for both the Bengals and Bearcats to win games at FedEx Field six days from each other.
I think the Bengals' defense will get better, not exponentially better, but better. And maybe that improvement comes this week. But after assuming all week leading up to the Ravens game, I went with a hunch and picked the Bengals in the opener. My stance on this game has softened as well. I could easily picture the Bengals winning, and I've felt better about the game than I did mid-week, but I'm not falling for myself again.
Redskins win.
For more, here's WEBN's Meat and I talking Bengals/Skins, visiting DC, why I didn't go to prom, and why the Redskins remind me of my favorite Bengals memory ever.
I picked Carolina over the Giants. That turned out well.....I'm now a whopping 12-21 on the season.
The Rams are better than you think. The Bears have no Matt Forte, a brutal offensive line, and a quarterback who might be the pro athlete that's never been jailed I'd least like to hang out with. St. Louis (+7.5) wins at Chicago....If I'm a Browns fan, and I've thanked God a few hundred times that I'm not, I'm encouraged. I'd be even more encouraged after Cleveland (+2.5) wins at home over Buffalo....You know you're rooting for the Cowboys to win so they can take a knee against the Bucs. Dallas (-7.5) wins easy at homer over Tampa Bay....I could complete a pass against the Titans. Detroit (-3.5) big over Tennessee....Name five Jaguars. Indy (-3.5) hammers Los Angeles Jacksonville.....The Jets take advantage of the Sparano factor New York (-3.5) wins at Miami....Name five Vikings. San Francisco (-7.5) goes to 3-0 at Minnesota....The Saints have to play well at some point, right? New Orleans wins, but KC (-8.5) covers....The worst 2-0 team in the league will be the worst 3-0 team in the league. Philly wins by a field goal over Arizona (+4.5).....I'm buying the Falcons. I've made this mistake before. I'll probably get married again too. Atlanta (+2.5) wins a good one in San Diego....Houston (-1.5) wins in another good one in Denver....Rooting for Carson Palmer to beat the Steelers this weekend. Won't be the first time he's disappointed me. Pittsburgh (-4.5) big over Oakland.....Solid Sunday night game. Baltimore (-2.5) outlasts New England. Solid Monday Night game. Seattle (+3.5) makes life very difficult for Green Bay.
This is a great blog post about Steve Sabol, so read it.
No game for UC, which might be a good thing. Pretty pumped about next week's trip to FedEx Field for the Va. Tech game, along with the side trip to Camden Yards to see the Cartoon Birds. No game being played means no game to talk about.
I do however have a picture of this baby, who's name is Joey. Joey is the newborn of a coworker named Paul who's one of those guys who has to dress up in wrinkle-free pants and a tie. Important guy. Surefire ways to get your infant on this blog...
1) Be someone capable of getting me a raise one day.
2) Dress them up head to toe in Bearcat gear.
Quickly, because I'm short on time....
Ohio State v. UAB
Legion Field is the single crappiest sports venue I've ever been to. Ohio State is not playing there this week though, so the UAB has no chance. Buckeyes 30 Blazers 10
Kentucky v. Florida
Big Blue Madness is three weeks away. Wonder if Joker Phillips will still be the football coach by then. Gators 42 Wildcats 7
Miami v. UMass
Never given a game less thought. Redhawks 44 Minutepeople 43
Enjoy your weekend. Enjoy Oktoberfest. Enjoy the clinching. Enjoy your new iPhone. Enjoy whatever you do standing up or sitting down.
