A FEW MO' THINGS, 4/10/12
Dan Murphy, ladies and gentlemen.

Programming Notes:  A real, live sports talk radio show tomorrow at 3:04 on ESPN1530, preceded by a real, live online chat at 9am.  Man, I work hard.

There are three things that stand out from last night's 7-1 loss to the Cardinals....

1)  Brandon Phillips injured his hammy.  I know nothing about hamstrings but I do know that running him out there when temperatures look, as the weather nerds say, "like they might dip into the 40s" would be silly.  If however, the injury is serious and requires a lengthy DL stay, BP should be allowed to Tweet during the game from the bench.  This has to happen.

2)  Homer Bailey gave up a bunch of home runs.  I'm a glass half-full kind of guy.  You say "Homer gave up three long ones in his first 20 pitches!"  I say yeah, but he didn't give up homers on the other 17.  My 85% beats your 15%, so ha.

3)  There was a baby being passed around like the Stanley Cup among the folks in the Diamond Seats.

Let's be honest.  Last night's game was a snoozer.  The crowd seemed largely indifferent, perhaps playing off a Reds team that collectively approached its job with the enthusiasm and intensity of a room full of office workers watching a webinar.  Homer Bailey put the Reds behind the eight ball early, and the Reds hitters seemed largely unconcerned with the results of their at-bats so long as they didn't last very long.  I can't imagine we'll see much from last night's effort on any season-ending highlight reels, and if we do, I won't watch them.

When the Reds play games like last night's, which they do even in very good seasons, my attention starts to drift.  Last night, the drama developing behind home plate caught my eye.

There was a baby being passed around among the people in the first two rows right behind home plate.  There were maybe eight people who at various times handled the baby, and I don't know if they knew each other or were related, but all of them got to spend at least a few minutes with it.  Some hoisted it the way you see a victorious soccer player raise the World Cup.  Others gave it the outstretched stare. Some cradled it.  No one held the baby for more than say three straight minutes, it was as if the baby was going to either barf, poo, or detonate at some random time.  Jerome Simpson's buddies pass the spliff around slower than these people handed over the baby.

I followed this action across many innings, then around the sixth, the baby was gone.  No one was passing the baby and no one was holding it.  Even more disturbing, was that no one seemed all that concerned with the baby or it's whereabouts.  I was a little surprised they didn't stop the exciting ballgame taking place on the field while the search continued.  Fortunately, the baby was spotted by Fox Sports cameras as two people left with it.  I hope they were its parents.

All this baby drama begs one question....

Should babies be allowed in the Diamond Seats?

I'm not talking about children necessarily, but babies.  My knowledge of infants is pretty limited, but I do know two things about them.

1)  You should never, ever, shake one.

2)  They are not much fun to watch baseball with.

They cry, they poop, and do little else.  They're like mini Tony LaRussas.  I don't want to watch a game with Tony, and if I plunk down the $235 it runs to get one of those Diamond Seats, I certainly would like to enjoy my evening among the elite sans baby wailing.  There are certain times when putting up with the loud shrieks of an infant is inevitable, I never bristle when I have to sit next to a baby on an airplane and places like grocery stores are places where you're inevitably going to run into a baby who's way too pissed about something to not let everyone know about it.  But a ballgame, in the snob seats, I'd like to enjoy the nine innings without a baby's baggage.

If you have the dough to go diamond, you have the bucks to go babysitter.  The other rich people will thank you.

-There's news about a former Bengal, and it comes with a bit of irony....

Former NFL player Lorenzo Neal has been sentenced to three years of probation after pleading no contest to a misdemeanor drunken driving charge.

The four-time Pro Bowl fullback also was sentenced Monday to eight days in an adult offender work program and ordered to pay $1,861 in fines and court fees.

Authorities say the former Fresno State University football player was charged in a July 4th crash in which his pickup truck hit a pole north of Clovis.

The Fresno Bee reports Neal is listed as chief information officer for a company called Safe Ride Solutions, which offers confidential rides for intoxicated drivers.

According to the company's website, "Lorenzo feels drinking and driving is a major problem and effects people from all walks of life and all segments of society."

-The President of the United States is a bad outside shooter, making him just like 95% of the players currently on the roster of Division One men's college basketball teams.

-Sometimes I'm surprised when a guy is a dirtbag.  Other times, I'm not.  This Bobby Petrino mess would be an example of a time when I'm not.

-I don't know what Bellator is, but if I ever won a championship belt (or an Olympic medal for that matter), I would wear it all the time, just like this dude.

-This battle of pretentious beer advertising goes to Newcastle....

-This Ohio couple is financially irresponsible, likely insane, and yet I've never been more jealous of two people.  If you're a single man and looking for that special someone, find a woman who is willing to put everything on hold to attend 120 minor league baseball games with you in one season.

-No way!  Michael Jordan doesn't work as hard as an exec as he did as a player?

-Here's some of the Ian Kinsler contract details that could affect whatever Brandon Phillips decides to do.

-Jared Sullinger, ladies and gentlemen.....

You have to admit, he does fill the dress out well.

While you try to get that image burned out of your head, please follow me on Twitter, make plans to be here at 9am tomorrow for the Weekly Chat, and catch The Mo Egger Show tomorrow at 3:04 on ESPN 1530.  And watch this video of every General Lee jump from The Dukes of Hazzard.  Stop pretending you're not going to watch this.